dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
