If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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