hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
