im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone signed my nipple.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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