I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So much rum. So many feels.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
