ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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