It's just like the Real World with babies
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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