coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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