alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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