Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
