Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
