So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
