Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
