i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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