the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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