too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
