i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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