I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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