I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
