Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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