He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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