the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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