just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
