So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You need a sexual gate keeper
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
