I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
