More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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