you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
