I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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