my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
