I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
