Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize