I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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