just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
