clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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