Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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