Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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