nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never joke about your clitoris.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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