Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
