sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
