Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
