You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
