she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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