Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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