whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
