You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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