i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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