I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
