Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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