suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
