He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
