Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
