If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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