Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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