After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
