i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
