Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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