Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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