i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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