five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
